Hurt and betrayal are experiences that we come to expect the longer we live in a fallen world. As we grow older, we develop mechanisms that we use to shield us from the sting of pain that is inevitably a part of life experiences. Amature acrobats of sorts, we develop techniques commonly and unscientifically known as "rolling with the punches".

However deep any wound inflicted by the world might be, it doesn't compare to that which sometimes comes from a local fellowship of believers. All who have accepted Jesus, the Christ as their Lord and Savior belong to His Body. We are brothers and sisters in Him, and yet we are all too quick to wound each other. The fault; however, doesn't rest solely on the shoulders of the church. As harsh as it seems, partial blame belongs to us, the wounded.

Before you get angry about about the previous statement, let me give you (and myself) a gentle but direct reminder. As Christians we are to depend on God and God alone to meet all of our needs. Not even the church can meet them. Remember that the church is made of fallible humans just like you and me. We would do well to remember that those who wound us have themselves been wounded.

Pain brought upon us by the church is more intense than wounds inflicted by the world. We may question why people who supposedly love us with the love of God can cause such intense pain. The answer is quite simple and logical actually. God is our Strong Tower, our Refuge, our very present help in time of touble, and children made in His image should reflect that, right? Ideally, yes. Do we need to be reminded that we do not live in an ideal world? We live in a lost and dying world where poor choices are made by each and every peron who ever has or ever will occupy this planet. These same people make up the church, and sometimes the poor choices made by these people cause us pain and visa versa (oh no, none of us is innocent of hurting others).

Though we come to expect to be hurt in life, and even in the church, we may not know how, or feel ill equipped, to deal with it in a godly manner. My prayer is that God will use my experience to give hope, encouragement, and possibly guidance in handling painful situations.

When my husband and I married, we made our home in Winston-Salem, NC. Both of us had been raised in Christian homes, so one of our priorities in beginning our new life together was to find a church home. We were both what I would call traditional Christians, and my husband had grown up Baptist, so we assumed that God would lead us to that type of church. God rarely, it would seem, does things the way we think He will.

We bought our first home and began attending a Baptist church. Immediately getting involved in fellowship, we attended that church for quite a while. It was church as usual, until I began to talk to one of our neighbors. I had no idea that my I was about to go on a journey into unknown territory.

God had providentially placed us across the street from a family that belonged to a non-denominational church that sounded like the kind of fellowship that I had longed for all my life. My husband and I made the decision to try this church and quickly realized that it was unlike anything either of us had ever experienced. We left that first Sunday with the intention of never going back.

We did more searching which was fruitless before deciding to go back to this odd church and give it another try. It wasn't long before we fell in love with this church and it's people.

For the first time in my adult life, I had a craving for the things of God. My husband and I dug ourselves in, making a real commitment to God, and this unique and accepting church family.

We grew spiritually. Since we lived two hours away from out biological family, our church became our family. I had never experienced charismatic worship or being stirred to develop a relationship with God instead of just religion.

Several years passed, we had two children, and had come to believe that we would stay in that church for the rest of our lives. Our feet were planted firmly, and our eyes were focused on God.

As it turned out, our dedication to and focusing on God were the factors that led us to question things that didn't seem to line up with the Word. We began to notice that this house of God was increasingly proclaiming questionable "truth" rather than the essential, godly Truth. The focus of the congregation and leadership was becoming more visibly focused on placing the pastor on a pedestal of his own making instead of having God on the throne. The majority of the congregation not only permitted it, we promoted it. Yes, that includes me. I became uncomfortable, but didn't understand at the time that the discomfort was actually the gift of discernment in action.

I began to ask questions of those that I believed to be trustworthy. In spite of the disturbing answers I received, I assumed that in questioning authority, I was actually being disloyal.

Discovering many indiscretions within the leadership, my husband and I took our concerns to a dear friend who was our former pastor. We discussed the things that my husband and I were witnessing and our friend explained things to us and stood with us as we sought God for direction.

After much prayer, my husband and I made the painful decision to leave this church that we still loved so much. We not only left the church, but we moved away from the area. Our connection to the people in that fellowship was so strong, we knew that if we didn't move away, we would inevitably go back to that church.

Shortly after we left, a friend that still attended there but was considering leaving called me to discuss a situation that had taken place there involving me. It wasn't until after that conversation that I realized how deep the pain was. Even now, years later, writing this letter brings back painful memories.

Seven other families left the church and moved away around the same time that my husband and I did. We were all in leadership and, of course, when all of us left, the congregation had questions and was growing suspicious. In an attempt to answer unspoken questions, the pastor dedicated an entire midweek service to allowing people to express their concerns, vent their anger, and have questions answered. It came as no surprise that the pastor did this, but I was surprised and deeply wounded by what was said about me in that service.

While my husband and I were members there, I became friends with a woman who is approximately 15 years my senior. Over time this woman became my mentor. We spoke on the phone several times a week. We spent hours upon hours studying, praying, and just enjoying fellowship. I loved and respected her. I considered myself privileged that such a godly woman would invest so much of herself in me.

At some point during that midweek service, my mentor stood up in front of the entire congregation and testified against me. This woman that I had so trusted and admired stood in the midst of the people that had been much church family and told them that I was evil and, in fact, was following the guidance of the devil.

Since this information didn't come to me directly from the source, I prayed about this betrayal for a few days, wanting God's guidance as to how to deal with this or if I was just to leave it alone. After a few days in prayer, and believing that I was following God's guidance, I called this woman and spoke with her about what I had been told. We had a long, uneventful conversation in which she didn't confess to or deny what I had been told. She didn't have to do either. God showed me that while I was right in calling her, I was not to confront. Why would God allow me to call her but not ask her the question that was weighing on my heart? The truth was that I didn't have to ask her. The tone of her voice and the chill in her words told me what I needed to know.

My heart was broken to the point that it shook my faith. I questioned my beliefs. I doubted myself and every relationship I had. After all, if I was so wrong about my relationship with my former mentor, how could I know that any other relationship was genuine?

The weeks and months following that storm became some of the most precious in my life. I had come to question everything except God. The foundation of faith that my life was built on was shaken, but those things that didn't come loose were rooted deeper.

I still have a close friend in that church whom I pray for consistently. On several occasions, I have discussed the goings on within that congregation that are questionable at the very least.

My husband and I have never and probably will never find another church that appeals to us as that one did. In hind sight; however, I have to question if I loved the church because it filled me emotionally or spiritually. God, in His grace, has allowed me to come to be thankful for the lessons I learned through that experience and completely trust only in Him.

I prayed for years after that God would bring another mentor into my life but that hasn't happened to this point. Thankfully, I've come to realize that I am to pattern my life after Christ and in doing so, I develop healthy relationships. Ultimately, I am able to thank God for this learning experience even as I pray that I have learned to not depend on any person in the way that only God is dependable.

Cindy Price
fr33dom@ymail.com